The Greatest Cinematic Achievement in History?
My friends, last night I watched an amazing, inspiring, heartwarming film about a magical boy named Harry Potter and his adventures battling evil fantasy monsters as they invade his ‘normal’ life in the ‘real’ world. That’s right, I watched the 1986 classic Troll. And as I write this, I’m watching its almost as amazing sequel Troll 2.
Troll is the most awesomely schizophrenic movie I’ve seen in a long time. It’s a fantasy, a horror, a comedy, sometimes throwing all three at you simultaneously, sometimes keeping them going one at a time, sometimes even stopping for a touching moment. It’s like that box-of-chocolates metaphor, you really never know what you’re gonna get from minute to minute. In one scene the evil troll monster is tenderly helping an ailing English professor; in another, he’s stalking Sonny Bono and turning him into a freakin’ giant plant pod thing. Or maybe you’ll see the family’s dad rocking out for no apparent reason. Or a fellow apartment-building tenant ranting about how books are left-wing conspiracies, for some reason. Maybe you’ll see a lovely poetry recital intercut with a bunch of baby troll monsters singing… for some reason. Or what’s-her-name from an overrated sitcom randomly turning into mostly-nude triplets. For some reason.
And then there’s the sequel. I don’t really think I can express the mind-boggling awesome of the sequel. Words fail me. All I can say is that as I watch this, I realize the film’s generic title doesn’t live up to the film itself; I watch in awe and ponder how better, more expressive titles would be more appropriate. Troll 2: The Trollening, for example, or Troll 2: Troll Harder (To The Extreme). But, as I said, words fail me. Fortunately it’s possible for you to appreciate the sheer artistic genius by watching this clip which… well, pretty much sums up the entire film.
Hell, it’s certainly one of the greatest videos ever on YouTube, and that’s obviously saying a lot.
Troll, actually, was a completely insane, low-budget, poorly-acted yet charming and occasionally witty and entertaining flick. Troll 2, well… Just watch the clip again.
